Cavalier, N.D. – Governor Doug Burgum announced late this evening that the city of Cavalier has been named the new state capital of North Dakota after a historic blizzard wiped out most of the Peace Garden State.
Early reports indicate that the blizzard destroyed most of the state’s major cities including Williston, Minot, Dickinson, Bismarck, Grand Forks and Fargo, leaving Cavalier as the only surviving town in the state.
“It’s not looking good for most of the state,” said North Dakota National Guard Meterologist Colonel Stormcloud. “The silver lining though is Watford City is gone too.”
In the aftermath of the storm, officials from the state government were forced to relocate near Cavalier, inside the Stanley R. Mickelsen Safeguard Pyramid Complex where they quickly set up a temporary government headquarters.
“The storm took Bismarck by surprise,” said Governor Doug Burgum. “We were at least able to evacuate most of the Rough Rider Hall of Fame portraits and the brass railing from the Capitol, but we’re still counting our losses. We were unable to evacuate the State Historical Society that houses numerous North Dakota artifacts such as the Kroll’s Diner knoephla and Wishek sausage recipes, as well as other state treasures such as Al Carlson.”
Burgum says that search and rescue efforts are already underway and that schools and buses have been delayed by two hours in order to expedite emergency operations.
Despite its small size, Cavalier has risen to the occasion and is now bustling with activity as government officials and state employees work around the clock to restore essential services and get the state back on track.
“It’s been a real challenge, but we’re making progress,” said Cavalier Mayor Lacey Hinkle. “Our local Dollar General is really getting pushed to the limits as legislators wipe out our supply of Spaghettios. But we’re proud to step up and serve our fellow North Dakotans in their time of need.”
Meanwhile, residents of Cavalier are adjusting to their new status as the most important town in the state.
“It’s been a bit of a culture shock,” said local resident Jill Snowsquall. “But we’re all pulling together and making the most of it. Who knows, maybe Cavalier will finally get a Dairy Queen!”
More on this story as it develops.
The Flickertail Times is a sattrical news blog featuring all things North Dakotan.