BISMARCK — The National Weather Service is making changes to the way it forecasts weather systems, now referring to events with gender neutral pronouns. The new policy, according to the weather service, is to diminish stigmas associated with genders and to make the weather “more inclusive.”
The use of gender neutral pronouns is expected to be implimented in time for North Dakota’s apcolyptic blizzard, causing frusteration across North Dakota.
The National Weather Service began the practice of naming winter storms after common male and female names during the 2012-2013 winter season. Changes in today’s political climate however, compelled forecasters to switch gears by referring only to future winter storms in pronoun-neutral, politically correct terms.
“It’s important for the public to recognize that weather systems are not inherintely male or female and that their subjective genders should not assigned nor assumed,” says National Weather Service Gender Equality Meterologist Ray Temple. “Further, it’s premature for anyone to call the upcoming winter storm a blizzard, when our data clearly indicates the pending system set to impact our state clearly identifies as a ‘meterological phenomona.’ We hope the public will respect the system’s wishes by using more inclusive langugage when discussing the weather going forward.”
The National Weather Service’s announcement comes at a time of deep political discorse in North Dakota.
North Dakota resident Oriska Fingal says she was taught to believe storms are inherintly male or female and fears changes to the National Weather Service could be the tip of the iceberg.
“They’re coming for our children and they’re coming for our religious freedoms,” says Fingal. “Nothing is safe, not even our forecasts. Today it’s pronouns and weather modification, tomorrow its cloud-seeding with vaccines raining from the skies. We’re not going to support the radical left’s progressive weather agenda, which is why I am only supporting Amber Wheeler at KX News and Dakota Storm Stalkers’ social media forecasts from here on out. Our family and community needs to take a stand.”
Governor Burgum released a statement noting the National Weather Service’s recent actions is further overreach of the Biden Administration.
“Once again the Biden administration has priortized regulation over innovation,” said Burgum. “I am working closely with my administration to ensure North Dakota’s weather community may continue to recognize weather systems as male or female. We need to remind President Biden that the states created the federal government and not the other way around.”
North Dakota Senator Oley Larsen says he’s certain the winter storm that’s set to blanket North Dakota is a male and is petitioning the legislature on passing legislation that would prevent schools from teaching alternative weather theory.
“I’ve seen the forecasts and the data. And no politician, no administration is force me to use a gender-neutral pronoun when referring to this blizzard. What people need to be talking about right now is the Weather Modification Board. They’re behind this. They’re constantly modifying the weather from one day to the next to suit their progressive ideologies. They’re in bed with Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter. And if you don’t think they’re coming, well, I hate to break it to you, but they’re already here.”
A represenative from the Weather Modification Board says they support the National Weather System’s policy to exclude gender-specific pronouns from all forecasts.
“We know we’re on the right side of history. And eventually, North Dakotans will be too. Weather modification celebrates the right for all weather phenomona to be freely expessed in whatever form that best suits its identity.”