We’re starting a new tradition at the Flickertail Times and just in time for the holidays. Thanksgiving is around the corner. With many families gathering in North Dakota since the start of the pandemic, you might be fearing some awkward silence around the dinner table. Fear not! The Flickertail Times has written some handy conversation starters to break the ice to trigger a “harmonious” Thanksgiving!
With ice-breakers covering an assortment of topics, there’s something here for everyone! Use our helpful conversation starters below and enjoy the fun.
“We brought some tater tot hotdish in case you didn’t make yours right.”
“Hope you don’t mind if we just stop by to say hi; my husband prefers my cooking.”
“Can you pass the dark meat? I’m so over white privilege.”
“Sorry mom, we’re not going to eat each much because we’re going to dad’s house. Have you met his new girlfriend? She’s the best cook ever.”
“Hopefully these high gas prices make us less reliant on gasoline and coal.”
“I hope the Kyle Rittenhouse case leads to a ban on those assault rifles.”
“We signed PETA’s petition to ban the sale of turkey and we added your names to the list.”
“If you’re not eating, you should be wearing a mask.”
“Wait. Is this wild rice the racist Uncle Ben’s brand of wild rice?
“Bismarck could use a few more banks in my opinion.”
“Just so everyone knows, I now identify as a non-binary spiritual being so please use pronouns sparingly.”
“It’s too bad they are letting all these idiots speak at the school board meetings.”
“Sorry we’re late, we were making our annual donation to planned parenthood.”
“Why don’t you stay a little longer; we wouldn’t want you to pass out in a random hotel room like that tax commissioner.”
“So how long before Wentz is traded again?”
“I’ve read your conspiracy theory posts and I just have to say how much I admire your being so transparent about your mental illness battle.”
“The Main Street Initiative was the best thing that happened to North Dakota’s government.”
“I sure hope they don’t let Trump back on Twitter.”
“We really should be praying that the lawmakers in Texas come to their senses over that abortion ban.”
“Do you have any vegan friendly alternatives on the menu?”
“Is Uncle Jerry planning a fireworks display to celebrate January 6th?”
“I think the ‘Fighting Hawks’ has a nice ring to it.”
“It’s so lame I couldn’t bring my marijuana across the border. When are the boomers here going to legalize it?”
“I wonder what it’s like to be a cracker in Wisconsin these days?”
“It turns out my master’s thesis is now illegal in North Dakota thanks to the ban on Critical Race Theory. But I brought a copy for everyone to read anyways.”
“Hopeful that we’ll see at least one NFL player take a knee during the games today.”
“Can you believe the QAnon people think JFK Jr is still alive?”
“Hope you bought extra tin foil, I’m coming to Thanksgiving fully vaccinated — computer chip and all.”
“I’m so thankful for the Facebook whistleblower. Now we know why Uncle Steve went crazy.”
“Glad we made it. The roads were pretty bad but thankfully congress passed that infrastructure bill to fix the streets.”
“Would you like me to bring the pastor to Thanksgiving? I heard you could use some prayer.”
“Kids, the pandemic has been really hard on your father and he’s now going through some changes. Just so you know, you’ll have two moms for Thanksgiving this year.”
“If you’re not vaccinated, you’re welcome to eat in the garage.”
“Minot is easily the prettiest city in North Dakota.”
“I don’t mind the higher gas prices if it means we won’t have anymore pipelines.”
“I think the new Pizza Corner pizzas taste better than the old ones.”
“This is my partner, Sam. We met at the George Floyd demonstrations in the cities this summer.”
“Can you turn the channel to MSNBC? We don’t watch Fox News, it’s biased.”
“Still not as good as grandma’s gravy but at least you tried.”
“It’s just too bad the UND hockey team can’t seem to win as much as NDSU’s football team.”
“You guys seriously still have police in this town? We defunded ours months ago. Best decision ever.”
“I have to agree with Colin Kaepernick. The NFL really is a modern form of slavery.”
“It’s so cool that Lewis and Clark were one of this country’s first openly gay couples.”
“Couldn’t we find a better family tradition than participating in the blatant consumerism of Black Friday?”
“Did you know our church is having a Thanksgiving service? We thought we’d invite you since we haven’t seen you there in a while.”
“The Delta Variant is still really bad. They should really consider canceling the Class B basketball tournaments this year out of an abundance of caution.”
“Those aren’t gunshots. It’s just the Larks Game.”
“Glad to see all the insurrectionists getting thrown in prison.”
“We keep investing in crypto in hope that someday, we’ll have a one-world currency.”
“Next year could you make sure to have an extension cord for me to plug in my car?”
“How about them Vikings?”
“You’re from Park River right? Isn’t that the same as Grafton?”
“I just hope with the kids back in school they leave prayer out.”
“You know, this turkey could use some ranch dressing.”
“Even though grandma’s gone, I’m glad her ID still worked to vote for Joe Biden on her behalf.”
“I just hope all those minimum wage workers finally get a raise this year.”
“I think the kids learned better doing distance learning.”
“I still can’t believe they’re letting the fans into football games without masks.”
“I hope Biden can see his grandkids this Thanksgiving. I wonder how long it’s been since he sniffed them?”
“Could you show us your vaccination card before you come inside?”
“I’m just glad they sided with caution to cancel the Hostfest again this year.”
“Remember when UND was the best school in the state? Me either.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have a gender neutral bathroom by chance?”
“Can you believe people were using horse dewormer to treat COVID?”
“We won’t be able to make it because we are celebrating the National Day of Mourning out of respect for the DAPL Demonstrators.”
“Told ya that North Dakota kid would get creamed in the NFL.”
“They really should start putting limits on the amount of pizza you can have at Pizza Ranch.”
“I just pray that balance and objectivity will return to the Supreme Court this year.”
“Bud Light? Sorry, I only drink IPA’s.”
“I hope they kick Aaron Rodgers out of the NFL.”
“So glad we have a President this year whose only pardon is for a turkey.”
“My fervent wish is the refugees detained at the border will be reunited with their families for Thanksgiving, here in America where they belong.”
“You realize more people have died from the vaccine than from Covid right?”
“I hope Mayor Pete is getting some quality time in with his partner and kids over Thanksgiving.”
“Switching up Main Street in Bismarck to a single lane was the best thing that ever happened.”
“So how much of the meal was paid for by the Biden Stimulus?”
“Will you sign my petition to remove the offensive Dickinson Midget mascot?”
“I’m just glad Facebook is fact-checking things before they’re posted.”
“I see the supply shortages as a blessing; after all, there was a bullet shortage this year.”
“I hope they finally recognize transgender athletes at the upcoming Winter Olympics.”
“Isn’t about time the NFL recognizes male cheerleaders?”
“I just wish essential businesses were the only ones allowed to stay open right now.”
“If you need a safe space to eat your lettuce, you could always go back in the closet.”
“Is the turkey this year a responsibly sourced, organic, free-range bird?”
“Like my new tattoo? It’s a QR code of my vaccination status.”
“I’m so glad we have a strong black woman as Vice President!”
“I heard Luke Simmons is a really nice guy actually.”
“I’m sorry my white snow offends you. I guess God is a racist too.”
“Hope you plan to put a menorah next to that nativity scene.”
“Since nobody wants to work this year, I’m surprised we’re having Thanksgiving at all.”
“You guys aren’t serving beef are you? Are you aware of how much toxic methane cattle produce?”
“You know, AOC has a lot of good points.”
“I’m so sorry Grandpa can’t be here this year. It’s just too bad he didn’t get vaccinated.”
“When are they finally going to get rid of the Atlanta Braves mascot? It’s so offensive.”
“We really shouldn’t even be celebrating Thanksgiving. Do you have any idea what the pilgrims did to the Native Americans?”
“Biden should just be thankful for adult diapers.”
“My political science teacher said North Dakota is actually the most socialist state in the country.”
“I just hope they start testing the high school athletes for COVID before they’re allowed to compete.”
“With as bad of a year as it was for farmers, I hope everyone’s realizing climate change is real.”
“Gee, I really wish we could help this Thanksgiving over Zoom like last year.”
“You DO realize Jesus wasn’t white? And most of his teachings are very much in line with Bernie Sanders.”
“Any chance we can have a Beyond Meat turkey this year?”
“Anyone who refuses to get the vaccine should be deported in my book.”
“I want to keep Christmas a surprise for everyone, but just in case you were going to, nobody buy a ‘My Pillow’ because you never know what Santa is going to bring.”
“We taught our kids not to believe in Santa Clause. We don’t think it’s healthy to be exposed to his white toxic masculinity.”
“Biden’s stimulus allowed me to enroll in that new course at UND on Marxism. Now I can point out all the flaws in our racist, capitalistic republic.”
“Pretty cool to hear people chanting Brandon Brown’s name after his NASCAR win.”
“I’m just thankful Biden brought our troops home from Afghanistan in time for the holidays.”
“Dad, you better fix your fence; it’s starting to look like Trump’s border wall.”
“You do realize it was Antifa inside the Capitol on January 6th right?”
“Surprise! We’re having another baby to take advantage of Biden’s expanded child tax credits!”
“People should really be ashamed for questioning that Iranian soccer player’s gender.”
“Did you hear Broadway is back? I’m glad they’re taking precautions by mandating vaccines before you can see a show.”
“Next thing you know they’re going to force us to vaccinate the damn turkey!”
“Instead of praying, could we take a moment of silence to respect everyone’s religious and spiritual traditions here today?”
“We’re going to be a little late; our flight was delayed after an anti-masker punched the flight attendant.”
“Isn’t about time the NFL recognizes female refs?”
“I hope Hillary runs for President again someday.”
“I hope everyone around this table is thankful for the white privilege they all have.”
“I bet those Dots Pretzels will taste even better now that Hershey’s bought them.
“Does Santa really need to be an old, white male? Don’t we have enough of that in this country?”
“The legislature did a great job setting up that electronic fencing database. Hopefully they can make one for the unvaccinated as well.”
“Did everyone here get their Covid booster shot?”
“We won’t be bringing any side dishes this year. We both quit our jobs thanks to Biden’s extended unemployment benefits.”
“I’m really hoping Oprah buys an NFL team.”
“I’m really glad Trump is out of office.”
“Let’s toast to Dr. Fauci and Joe Biden. It’s their work that made it possible for us to be reunited this year.”
That’s all folks! Have a trigger-inducing conversation starter? Be sure to let us know how it goes in the comments section!
The Flickertail Times is a satirical news site digging up all things North Dakotan. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send us your comments to editor@flickertailtimes.com
