BISMARCK — The Galactic Chambers of the North Dakota House and Senate today overwhelmingly voted to use Legacy Fund dollars to rebuild the Death Star.
The proposed project will cost an estimated 15.6 septillion dollars, effectively blowing the entire Legacy Fund budget. Tax-payers will be required to pay for the remainder of the bill through property-tax and sales-tax increases starting in August of this year through December of 2138.
“This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of the Legacy Funds, and soon the world shall witness the firepower of our fully armed and operational battle station,” said North Dakota Senate Majority Leader Rich Wardner during a legislative address. “With the Death Star at our command, we shall rule the galaxy.”
Construction of the Death Star will take place above the skies of the State Capitol. North Dakota Tourism says the space station will be a “must-see” on everyone’s list.
“We fully expect to see a surge in tourism thanks to the efforts of the legislature,” says North Dakota’s Director of Galactic Space Tourism Grand Moff Coleman. “And if we don’t, well, we all know what happened to Alderan.”
The budget proposal plans for the Death Star were scheduled to be delivered to Emperor Burgum’s office by Senator Joan Heckaman, however, she was last seen fleeing the State Capitol accompanied by a small droid headed towards the desert world of “Medora”. It is unclear if the Death Star plans are still in her possession.
Darth Sanford says Heckaman’s actions were “unfortunate” but were only a minor setback.
“It’s unfortunate that a small band of rebels are acting against the will of the people, however, we have dispatched a fleet of Imperial Highway Patrol Troopers to retrieve the plans. And everyone knows our troopers’ aim is impeccable.”
More on this story as it develops. Happy Star Wars Day everyone and May the 4th Be With You.
The Flickertail Times is a satirical news blog featuring all things North Dakotan. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it to editor@flickertailtimes.com
