The Flickertail Times
  • Home
  • Politics
  • North Dakota
  • Entertainment
No Result
View All Result
The Flickertail Times
No Result
View All Result
Home Politics

North Dakota Cancels Elections, Mario Kart Tournament to Determine Results

Statewide Mario Kart Tournament will determine North Dakota's 2020 election winners

Teddy Meadowlark by Teddy Meadowlark
August 25, 2020
in Politics
9 0
0
North Dakota Cancels Elections, Mario Kart Tournament to Determine Results
73
SHARES
183
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

BISMARCK – Governor Doug Burgum announced today the November 2020 elections have been canceled due to COVID-19.

You might also like

Fears Mount North Dakota Could Soon Invade South Dakota Following Ominous Burgum Tweet

Spirit Halloween Occupies Seat of Expelled North Dakota Legislator

Legislature Adopts Strict Female Dress Code & Policies to Curb Unwanted Advances From Male Legislators

In making his decision, Burgum cited the current public health risk the elections pose to vulnerable populations and has issued an executive order canceling all elections across North Dakota.

Burgum says the decision was not easy, however, his office is working closely with North Dakota Secretary of State Alvin Jaeger to host a statewide Mario Kart Tournament to determine the state’s election results.

Some North Dakota officials have already created their Mario Kart Mii’s (avatars) to prepare for the November tournament.

The Mario Kart Tournament will be streamed on Twitch, a popular videogame streaming platform that attracts millions of viewers each year.

“Cancelling our elections was a very difficult decision and one that I do not take lightly,” said Governor Burgum. “Voting is a constitutional right, however, in light of current circumstances, I need to also take into account the health and safety of our citizens. We need to be North Dakota Smart. And right now, the smartest thing anyone can do is stay home. That’s why my office is working closely with Secretary of State Alvin Jaeger to host a statewide Mario Kart Tournament. The tournament will determine the winner of every race and we’ll be streaming the event on North Dakota’s official Twitch channel. People everywhere across North Dakota will be able to participate by cheering for their favorite candidates from home. We’re still working out all the details, but this is yet another example of how North Dakota is leading the way in innovation, technology, and curiosity. By utilizing infrastructure such as Twitch, our state can safely participate in our nation’s most cherished and celebrated tradition.”

However, some state officials are concerned that A.I controlled players could end up winning some or all of the races, such as Bowser or Wario. The North Dakota Information and Technology Department says they’re working on hosting a Mario Kart bootcamp to acquaint candidates with Mario Kart.

“There is a serious concern that Bowser or Wario could end up being our next Governor, should either win the tournament,” says North Dakota ITD Director of Digital Entertainment Gordon Freeman. “The Mushroom Kingdom has long been oppressed by these villains, which is why we’re helping Governor Burgum brush up on his Mario Kart skills. But North Dakota may need to accept that our next Treasurer could be Waluigi. Our new Superintendent of Public Instruction could be King Boo. Or the newest member of the senate could be Toad or Princess Peach. However, the Governor has expressed he wouldn’t be against Mario or Luigi serving as his next Lieutenant Governor, so we’ll see what happens come November.”

At the North Dakota Department of Public Instruction, Superintendent Baesler is working with students to enhance her Mario Kart skills.

“While Superintendent Baesler is no stranger to impaired driving, she’s never had to maneuver around banana peels and turtle shells on the highway,” says ND DPI Spokesman Don K. Kong. “That’s why we’re having all public schools incorporate Mario Kart into the current distance learning curriculum. Each day at noon, students will log into their Nintendo Switch accounts and play alongside Superintendent Baesler to ensure she’s ready come November.”

Al Jaeger customizes his “Jaeger-mobile.” While the Secretary of State is not up for re-election, he still plans to compete in a few races to ensure “fair play”

Some lucky North Dakotans could find themselves competing against candidates if they opt to play Mario Kart during the official state tournament, which could really add to some excitement says Secretary of State Al Jaeger.

“We want everyone to participate in the November elections, so we’re looking at inviting North Dakotans to participate in some of the races. If you’ve ever aspired to public office, this could be your moment as your only qualification will need to be Mario Kart 8 experience,” says Jaeger. “Even though I’m not up for election, I’ll be participating in a few races to certify the results and to ensure fair play.”

Rep. Josh Boschee says he’s an expert on Mario Kart’s Rainbow Road course.

Representative Joshua Boschee says while he disagrees with the Governor’s decision to cancel the elections, he is confident he will win the Mario Kart Tournament.

“I’m disappointed that North Dakotans won’t be able to cast their ballots come November, but I also challenge anyone to a game or two of Mario Kart, especially if we’re racing on Rainbow Road. I know that course like the back of my hand. Game on.”

The Flickertail Times is a satirical news blog featuring all things North Dakotan. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it to editor@flickertailtimes.com

Comments

Share66Tweet3
Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark was born and raised in North Dakota. Today he travels often across the Flickertail State, drawing inspiration for his stories from the events and people shaping North Dakota.

Recommended For You

Fears Mount North Dakota Could Soon Invade South Dakota Following Ominous Burgum Tweet

by Teddy Meadowlark
February 21, 2022
0
Fears Mount North Dakota Could Soon Invade South Dakota Following Ominous Burgum Tweet

(Update - 5:20 p.m. CDT) North Dakota's congressional delegation have since tweeted similar photos of Mount Rushmore, all but confirming a North Dakota invasion in South Dakota could...

Read more

Spirit Halloween Occupies Seat of Expelled North Dakota Legislator

by Teddy Meadowlark
March 7, 2021
0
Spirit Halloween Occupies Seat of Expelled North Dakota Legislator

Bismarck - Spirit Halloween has occupied Luke Simon’s vacant seat after his historic expulsion from the North Dakota House of Representatives. A Spirit Halloween sign was spotted hanging...

Read more

Legislature Adopts Strict Female Dress Code & Policies to Curb Unwanted Advances From Male Legislators

by Teddy Meadowlark
March 7, 2021
0
Legislature Adopts Strict Female Dress Code & Policies to Curb Unwanted Advances From Male Legislators

Bismarck - Rep. Chet Pollert and Rep. Scott Louser recently unveiled strict policies aimed at female legislators and staff after years of complaints against Rep. Luke Simons surfaced...

Read more

Congress Passes McStimulus Package, Americans to Receive McRib Sandwiches

by Teddy Meadowlark
December 20, 2020
0
Congress Passes McStimulus Package, Americans to Receive McRib Sandwiches

WASHINGTON, DC — Congressional leaders unveiled this evening their long-awaited stimulus package that provides all American households with a McRib sandwich. Dubbed the "McStimulus", leaders in both parties...

Read more

Former ND Governor Jack Dalrymple Cast in Live Action “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

by Teddy Meadowlark
November 17, 2021
0
Former ND Governor Jack Dalrymple Cast in Live Action “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

BISMARCK — Former North Dakota Jack Darlymple announced today he has been cast to play the role of Burgermeister Meisterburger in a live-action adaption of "Santa Claus is...

Read more
Next Post
North Dakota Oil Wells Transition to Ranch Dressing Extraction Following Oil Market Crash

North Dakota Oil Wells Transition to Ranch Dressing Extraction Following Oil Market Crash

Related News

Winter Storm Richard To Pound Thanksgiving With 6+ Inches of Wet, Heavy Precipitation

Winter Storm Richard To Pound Thanksgiving With 6+ Inches of Wet, Heavy Precipitation

November 17, 2021
Homeschool Family of 11 Faced With Tough Decision After CDC Bans Groups of 10 or More

Homeschool Family of 11 Faced With Tough Decision After CDC Bans Groups of 10 or More

November 17, 2021
North Dakota Tourism to Highlight State’s Nuclear Capabilities Amid Growing World War III Fears

North Dakota Tourism to Highlight State’s Nuclear Capabilities Amid Growing World War III Fears

November 17, 2021

Browse by Category

  • Entertainment
  • Featured
  • Fun & Games
  • Lifestyle
  • Local
  • News
  • North Dakota
  • Outdoors & Sports
  • Politics
  • Reviews

The Flickertail Times is a sattrical news blog featuring all things North Dakotan.

CATEGORIES

  • Entertainment
  • Featured
  • Fun & Games
  • Lifestyle
  • Local
  • News
  • North Dakota
  • Outdoors & Sports
  • Politics
  • Reviews

© 2017 Flickertail Times

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • Landing Page
  • Buy JNews
  • Support Forum
  • Contact Us

© 2017 Flickertail Times

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
Are you sure want to unlock this post?
Unlock left : 0
Are you sure want to cancel subscription?