BISMARCK — The Easter Bunny will be assuming new duties after Governor Burgum deemed the rabbit an essential state employee in an official Executive Order on Friday afternoon.
Burgum’s executive order will allow the rabbit to remain in North Dakota as long as he follows “ND Smart” guidelines.
However, the Executive Order also makes the Easter Bunny an official state employee, and the Governor wasted no time putting the rabbit to work.
“This is a time of enormous need in North Dakota and I’d like to express my gratitude to the Easter Bunny for serving our state at this dire time,” said Governor Burgum. “On my order, the Easter Bunny is now an essential state employee and he’ll be assuming multiple roles in the coming weeks. He’ll be serving with the State Highway Patrol today, providing security for my office. Next week, he’ll transition to Job Service ND where he’ll be helping folks file their unemployment claims. We’re also looking at having the Easter Bunny relieve Lt. Governor Brent Sanford of some of his duties, pending our determination of what Brent’s actual duties are. As an essential state employee, the Easter Bunny will receive full state benefits including medical insurance, vacation, sick leave, and is entitled to eight daily, 15-minute walking breaks. Given we’re an equal opportunity employer, we’re also making accommodations for our newest state employee. Rest assured we’ll have plenty of carrots on hand and freshly shredded paper ethics complaints should Mr. Bunny need a bathroom break. I hope everyone will join me in welcoming the Easter Bunny to Team ND.”
Not everyone, however, is thrilled about Burgum’s latest appointment, as some agencies say the Easter Bunny’s magic powers put other employees at a disadvantage.
“If the Easter Bunny can magically visit every child on Earth in one day, he’ll make short work out of my office’s backlog, meaning I’ll be out of a job,” says Secretary of State Al Jaegar. “Quite frankly, his magic puts the rest of us state employees at a disadvantage and I implore the Attorney General’s office to issue a ruling on whether Burgum can make the Easter Bunny an essential employee. In the meantime, I’m asking the State Game and Fish Department to relocate the Bunny until further notice.”
State Tax Commissioner Ryan Rauschenberger also voiced his Easter Bunny concerns.
“I’ve been working pretty hard to lower the bar for all state employees,” says State Tax Commissioner Ryan Rauschenberger. “And given I’m already on the rabbit’s naughty list, I’ve started cleaning out my office.”
The Easter Bunny will also conduct performance reviews for all state agencies and employees. Employees who underperform can expect to receive a rotten egg from the rabbit. If anyone receives three rotten eggs in a 12-month period, they’ll be subject to termination.
As of early this morning, several rotten eggs were spotted outside the North Dakota Department of Public Instruction, near Superintendent Kirsten Baesler’s office.
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