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North Dakota Department of Health Releases Menards Shopping Guidelines

New flowchart will help North Dakotans determine necessity of future Menards shopping trips

by Teddy Meadowlark
April 10, 2020
in News
North Dakota Department of Health Releases Menards Shopping Guidelines
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BISMARCK — The North Dakota Department of Health released new Menards guidelines today to help shoppers determine the necessity of future trips to the popular store.

Menards has experienced a surge in sales in recent weeks, despite guidelines asking shoppers to stay home.

The ND Department of Health released this flow chart to help North Dakotans determine the necessity of future trips to the popular lumber store.

The North Dakota Department of Health says they were approached by Governor Burgum to develop a chart to help citizens determine if their Menards trip is truly essential.

“In recent weeks, the Governor has shut down our bars, restaurants, sporting events, and houses of worship. With nowhere else to turn, North Dakotans are flocking to Menards,” says ND Health Home Improvement Safety Coordinator Amanda Hammer. “While Governor Burgum doesn’t want to issue a shelter-in-place, he does want North Dakotans to make smart decisions, which is why we developed a flow chart to help make those decisions easier. We encourage everyone to keep one on their fridge and to keep another in their car to serve as a friendly weigh to determine if your next trip to Menards can wait.”

Governor Burgum says he has no plans to close Menards due to the “essential services” the retailer provides.

“North Dakota won’t be shutting Menards’s doors anytime soon,” says Burgum. “It’s where I buy all my jeans, and my denim blues are essential to our Government. Besides, we’ve already closed our bars and unless we want a civil war in our state, we’ll be keeping the retailer open. If you’re feeling sick, stay home or go to Walmart — they have curbside delivery.”

The Flickertail Times is a satirical news blog featuring all things North Dakotan. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it to editor@flickertailtimes.com

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Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark was born and raised in North Dakota. Today he travels often across the Flickertail State, drawing inspiration for his stories from the events and people shaping North Dakota.

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