BISMARCK — Governor Burgum addressed North Dakotans today from the State Capitol while donning a hazmat suit in an effort to reassure the state over the threat of coronavirus.
“North Dakotans should not panic over coronavirus,” said Governor Burgum. “Unless you are over the age of eighty-years old, such as 80% of our legislative body, or Al Jaegar, the threat of coronavirus is minimal in North Dakota. Precautions can be made to prevent the spread of coronavirus including washing your hands, or utilizing alcohol to kill the virus, which we obviously have no shortage of here at the Tax Department and Department of Public Instruction. In an effort to stay ahead of this relatively low threat, I have formed another committee to actively monitor the threat of the virus. They will report to the Lt. Governor and myself and submit their findings in a thoughtfully designed Powerpoint presentation accompanied by stock images of our state. We’re well prepared in North Dakota and now is the time for more committees and gratitude, not panic over COVID-19.”
Burgum says he’s tapped Lt. Governor Brent Sanford to serve as the state’s Coronavirus Czar.
Members of the press were screened prior to entering the State Capitol for the Governor’s Press Conference and given a physical by Lt. Governor Brent Sanford.
“The Lieutenant Governor shares the same last name as a healthcare system we’re all familiar with, which makes him the most qualified person in the state to oversee our COVID-19 prevention efforts,” said Burgum. “I’d like to extend my gratitude to him for stepping up in this time of need.”
The North Dakota Department of Health says the risk of COVID-19 spreading in North Dakota remains extremely low due to the fact that the state is one of the least visited regions in the nation.
“North Dakotans should not panic over the threat of COVID-19 as the risk of the virus spreading here is low,” said North Dakota Coronavirus Specialist Sarah Sars. “Our state is consistently one of the least visited states in the country. Therefore, it is our assessment that like most Americans, COVID-19 has absolutely no desire to come to North Dakota. We should be sharing our gratitude for the futile efforts at North Dakota tourism. Thanks to our relatively small amount of visitors to our state, we’ll be just fine.”
Despite the relatively low risk, Burgum says the state is monitoring two individuals in the state who recently visited China during the COVID-19 outbreak.
“Everyone should be reassured that the individuals who may have been exposed to COVID-19 are a low risk to the public. Should they develop any symptoms, we will ask them to take time off from their greeting roles at the Heritage Center and move them to quarantine. Even if COVID-19 spreads, the state has a cache of 2-million N-95 masks stored beneath my mansion. We’ll be prioritizing the distribution of those masks to those who make a donation to my 2020 re-election campaign.”
More on this story as it develops.
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