BISMARCK — The North Dakota Department of Tourism announced the upcoming 2020 Tourism Ad Campaign will highlight the state’s nuclear capabilities, featuring North Dakota native and Taco Bell actor, Josh Duhamel. The ad campaign will roll out “in the near future” to reassure the public North Dakota is “ready and capable” should a global conflict rise.
The 2020 tourism ad campaign was unveiled over the weekend over mounting fears spread on social media that the United States/Iran conflict could spark World War III.
“We obviously want the public to know that North Dakota is more than capable of defending the nation should it need to,” says ND Director of ICBM Tourism, Duke Nukem. “We understand many folks are worried about the growing crisis in the Middle East, but we see this as an opportunity for Josh to promote North Dakota’s nuclear capabilities because frankly, we’ve never really marketed them before. Given that North Dakota’s nuclear launch facilities and nuclear capable B-52 bombers make up two-thirds of the nuclear triad, by marketing these military capabilities, we could draw a lot of tourism traffic and attract military contractors to our state in the event of a global conflict.”
The campaign features Josh Duhamel posing in front of LGM-30 Minuteman III launch facility in Ward County with his niece, highlighting the many nuclear silos scattered across North Dakota’s prairies. Duhamel can also be seen standing in front of a nuclear-equipped B-52 bomber near his hometown at the Minot Air Force Base.
Despite North Dakota’s repeated history of paying Duhamel six-figures to appear in tourism ads (Duhamel was offered $175,000 to appear in the 2020 ads), the Flickertail State has remained one of the least-visited states in the nation. The North Dakota Department of Tourism says those numbers prove their partnership with Duhamel is working.
“North Dakota nearly tops the list of the least visited states in the nation, barely edging out the likes of Delaware and Wyoming. And frankly, we’re okay with our position. People in North Dakota don’t like change and neither does the North Dakota Department of Tourism. We like North Dakota how it is and if we did anything differently, we risk losing the monotony of our great state,” says North Dakota Director of Complacent Tourism Laura Bordum. “A lot of people question our decision year after year to pay Josh Duhamel hundreds of thousands of dollars to promote our state. But it makes sense if you really think about it. Frankly, nobody knows what North Dakota is known for and most people can’t name a single role Josh Duhamel has starred in — both are forgettable. So by hiring a B-list actor to promote a B-list state, we’re not being just fiscally responsible, we’re making a smart marketing decision to ensure North Dakota’s lack of cultural variety can be cherished by future generations.”
And while many fear that World War III could actually happen in the immediate future, the North Dakota Department of Tourism says residents should rest easy knowing that Josh Duhamel is safe and sound should a global conflict arise.
“We’ve locked Josh up in a nuclear-proof vault in the Bank of North Dakota,” says Bordum. “It’s the same vault where we keep the state’s $6.5 billion Legacy Fund, which hasn’t been touched in years and also where we keep the famed Wishek Sausage recipe and Medora Musical Star Bill Sorensen. Long story short, Josh is safe and sound and isn’t going anywhere. Everyone can look forward to North Dakota’s favorite son appearing in future tourism ads for many years to come, if in fact there’s still a future to promote after World War III.”
The Flickertail Times is a satirical humor blog featuring all things North Dakota. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it all to: email@example.com