BISMARCK — The North Dakota Ethics Commission announced today that Netflix star and minimalist guru Marie Kondo has been selected as the Ethics Commission’s Executive Director.
Kondo has captivated audiences on her hit Netflix Series as she challenges families to tidy up their spaces and toss belongings that no longer spark joy.
The Ethics Commission says they selected Kondo in hopes she’ll help the commission tidy up complaints and violations submitted to the newly formed panel.
“Each and every complaint we receive and review sparks us no joy,” says Ethics Chairman Ron Goodman. “Which is why we’ve selected Marie Kondo as the commission’s executive director. Ms. Kondo will help us toss out future complaints that weigh our commission down with emotional despair and discomfort — which I can guarantee will be every complaint. After we receive a complaint, Ms. Kondo will follow protocol by thanking the complaint before discarding it. When she’s not tossing aside ethic violations, she’ll be cleaning up other matters before anyone has a chance to make a complaint. Auditor Gallion is going to be out of a job thanks to Marie because there won’t be anything left for him to audit. And on the plus side, we’ll have the cleanest office in the state.”
Since the Ethics Commission was formed, it has rejected every complaint submitted to the group.
“We used Marie’s Netflix series to serve as our guidebook in our first two closed-door meetings. But we then asked ourselves who better to review these complaints than Marie Kondo herself? We are thrilled to welcome Ms. Kondo to North Dakota and excited to have her as our Executive Director.”
The Commission says they’re also looking at the possibility of televising future Ethics Commission meetings in a reality style television series.
“It’d be a great additional source of revenue for the state,” says Goodman.
State Auditor Josh Gallion says he is alarmed the Ethics Commission hired Kondo without opening the position up to other candidates.
“The Ethic’s Commission clearly violated our state’s hiring protocols by not opening the executive director position to the public to accept applications from qualified candidates. I’m reviewing the matter now and I plan to submit my findings in an official complaint to the Ethics Commission for their review,” says Gallion.
The Ethics Commission says they are aware of the State Auditor’s concerns but consider them a non-issue and notes they’ll be handling his complaint at their next meeting.
“We look forward to receiving Auditor Gallion’s complaint and will be sure to thank it before handing it off to Ms. Kondo to discard,” says Goodman. “As all state employees and elected leaders know, nothing from the Auditor’s office sparks us any joy.”
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