BISMARCK — The Burleigh County Commission Narrowly Voted 3-2 Monday evening to proceed into 2020, reversing its course from 1920, after voting to allow 25 refugees into the city.
The vote followed several long hours of passionate and at times, heated testimony from the public.
The Burleigh County Commission meeting was paused momentarily after Representative Rick Becker of Bismarck was struck by God and reduced to ash following several days of false doctrine social media posts.
“I stand here today imploring everyone in Burleigh County to ask themselves, ‘What would Satan say?'” said Becker before a bolt of lightning struck him at the podium, reducing him to a small pile of ash.
Previously in the night, Becker was fined by the North Dakota Highway Patrol for distracted driving after the Representative live-streamed himself driving from his home to Horizon Middle School for the Commission Meeting. Becker promptly deleted the video.
Following Becker’s demise, Bismarck Mayor Steven Bakken spoke to the County Commission.
“I’ve been mayor for two years, and I’m telling everyone here tonight, because of my leadership, this city doesn’t have the capacity to handle five, let alone 25 additional people,” said Bakken. “We need to shut everything down. The hospitals, the schools, the mall, everything. We can’t handle any additional growth. Two years ago I didn’t care about our city’s homeless. But tonight I do. We need to focus on the homeless, not moving forward as a city. I urge the commission to vote no tonight. And while I wish I had more answers for you, I don’t. I just don’t know. Speaking of not knowing, I’m happy to announce that’s my 2022 re-election campaign slogan – ‘I just don’t know.'”
Hundreds of concerned citizens voiced their support and concern over moving forward into 2020.
“We need to base this decision on facts, not emotion,” said an overly emotional man opposed to the 2020 move.
In the end however, the Burleigh County Commission voted 3-2 in favor of moving forward into 2020 by accepting 25 refugees.
“I’m obviously disappointed about the County’s decision,” said Burleigh County Commissioner Brian Bitner. “We just don’t have all the facts about 2020 and we don’t have the infrastructure for 25 more people in Bismarck. And a year from now when we welcome 141 legislators to Bismarck for the legislative session, we’ll be right back to square one, debating again whether or not North Dakota wants to move forward into 2021. We accomplished nothing tonight. Personally, I wish we’d all take a step back about 100 years and focus on our gravel roads like a few of my fellow Commissioners voiced their support for, but the people have spoken.”
The Flickertail Times is a satirical humor blog featuring all things North Dakota. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it all to: email@example.com
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