• About The Flickertail Times
  • Contact
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
  • Login
No Result
View All Result
SUPPORT US ON PATREON
The Flickertail Times
27 °f
Bismarck
  • Home
  • News
  • Government & Politics
  • Sports
  • World
  • Letters from the Editor
  • Home
  • News
  • Government & Politics
  • Sports
  • World
  • Letters from the Editor
No Result
View All Result
The Flickertail Times
No Result
View All Result
Home Government & Politics

Al Jaeger Frustrated By Lack of Black Friday Fax Machine Deals After Loss of His Beloved Magnafax

by Teddy Meadowlark
November 24, 2019
in Government & Politics
Al Jaeger Frustrated By Lack of Black Friday Fax Machine Deals After Loss of His Beloved Magnafax

Al Jaeger is mourning the loss of his Magnafax and frustrated by this year's lack of Black Friday fax sales.

1
SHARES
162
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

BISMARCK — North Dakota Secretary of State Al Jaegar is venting frustration this Thanksgiving due to a lack of Black Friday fax machine deals following the loss of his beloved fax machine of nearly 50 years.

The Secretary of State’s office uses fax machines to conduct “97% of all business” according to the Secretary’s office. The remaining 3% of business is conducted via mail or face-to-face interactions. The Secretary has yet to implement email in his office, but they hope to do so by 2030.

With a lack of Black Friday deals on fax machines, the Secretary is warning North Dakotans that his office’s work will continue to backlog.

“The fax machine is easily the most reliable form of communication in existence which is why our office uses fax to conduct a majority of our business,” says Jaegar. “From business filings to receiving precinct numbers on election nights, our fax machine is the heart and soul of our office and we’ve come to simply refer to her as ‘Old Reliable.’ Sadly, the sun is setting on her time on this earth and with a lack of Black Friday deals on fax machines, our office may be forced to close its doors until we can find a suitable replacement for our beloved machine.”

Since 1966, Jaegar has relied on his trusty Xerox Magnafax fax machine. And for over fifty years, it has allowed the Secretary to communicate with the outside world.

“Our Magnafax allowed us to send and receive letters over the phone in a matter of minutes. It’s still amazing, even by today’s standards,” says Jaegar.

The Magnafax was discontinued in the late 1970’s. But because the machine played such a critical role in the Secretary of State’s office, the House Appropriations Committee approved special funding to send Jaeger to Xerox’s headquarters to train with the company’s fax machine technicians, allowing Jaeger to continue to use the Magnafax far beyond its life-cycle.

“It was the special forces of fax technician training,” recounts Jaeger. “For five days, I lived at the Xerox headquarters, tasked with memorizing every nut and bolt on the Magnafax until I could assemble and disassemble one blindfolded. And since 1979, I’ve maintained our office’s Magnafax. We’ve weathered a lot of storms together and it’s been a good ride. My wife often says I know that fax machine better than her and I’d have to agree with her.”

The folks at Xerox were so impressed with Jaeger’s skills, they ran a series of ads featuring the Secretary of State that were published worldwide.

Xerox was so impressed with Jaeger’s fax skills, they featured him in a series of ads that were published worldwide.

In 1979, Jaeger was awarded the Merit of Maintenance by Xerox. It was the first Xerox award in history to be faxed to a recipient.

Unfortunately, much has changed since Jaeger’s fax-glory days. Jaeger sadly announced recently his Magnafax has broken down and the Secretary of State has been unable to find any replacement parts.

“We’ve recycled parts from other Magnafaxes over the years to keep ours running, but as time as gone on, the ability to find parts has become difficult, nearly impossible. The only other Magnafax in existence is in North Korea, but with tensions mounting recently between our two nations, our hopes of harvesting transplant parts in a diplomatic Mangafax mission have been squashed,” says Jaeger.

As North Dakota faces a budget crisis, Jaeger says he’s been hunting for a new fax machine for a while, but the lack of deals on fax machines this Black Friday is dwindling his hopes.

“I appealed to the folks holding the Legacy Fund purse but was denied. I’ve also ordered my staffers to devote their time searching leaked Black Friday Ads for a deal with no success. So I guess this means our office will have to continue to sit on unsent letters and business filings until our lawmakers realize just how important our fax machine is to our operations,” says Jaeger.

With the loss of its beloved fax machine and no solution in sight, morale is low in the Secretary of State’s office. However, Jaeger says he’s working closely with the North Dakota Heritage Center to secure a permanent home for his beloved Magnafax.

“She may be gone, but she’ll not be forgotten,” said a teary-eyed Jaeger. “The Heritage Center is working to secure a permanent exhibit for our Magnafax so that future generations can look upon her with the same love I have for all these years. It’ll be a fitting memorial for a fitting career. She sure was a good fax.”

The Magnafax will lie in repose in the Great Hall of the Bismarck Capitol. Following a ceremony, it will be transferred to its permanent home in the North Dakota Heritage Center.

The Secretary’s office says in lieu of flowers, they are accepting dot-matrix paper in memory of their Magnafax.

The Flickertail Times is a satirical humor blog featuring all things North Dakota. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it all to: editor@flickertailtimes.com

Comments

Tags: Al JaegerCapitolFax MachineSecretary of StateState Capitol
Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark

Teddy Meadowlark was born and raised in North Dakota. Today he travels often across the Flickertail State, drawing inspiration for his stories from the events and people shaping North Dakota.

Next Post
Governor Burgum Issues Advisory Clarifying Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Is For Turkeys Only

Governor Burgum Issues Advisory Clarifying Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Is For Turkeys Only

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

ADVERTISEMENT

Recommended

Introducing the Flickertail Times

Introducing the Flickertail Times

3 years ago
Burgum Announces Microsoft’s Clippy to Keynote Summit on Innovative Education

Burgum Announces Microsoft’s Clippy to Keynote Summit on Innovative Education

1 year ago

Popular News

  • As North Dakota Quarantines Over COVID-19, Majestic Humpback Whales Return to Lake Sakakawea

    As North Dakota Quarantines Over COVID-19, Majestic Humpback Whales Return to Lake Sakakawea

    1 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • Ope! She Did It Again! Kirsten Baesler Arrested Second Time While In Office

    68 shares
    Share 68 Tweet 0
  • North Dakota Declares War on Miss America Pageant

    0 shares
    Share 0 Tweet 0
  • UND Opens Covid Omega Fraternity

    230 shares
    Share 230 Tweet 0
  • Prince Harry Replaced By Disneyland Tourist Who Pulled Sword From Stone

    12 shares
    Share 12 Tweet 0

Connect with us

Facebook Twitter Instagram

Support Us On Patreon

JOIN TODAY

News Categories

  • Featured
  • Fun & Games
  • Government & Politics
  • Letters from the Editor
  • News
  • Sports
  • World

The Flickertail Times

The Flickertail Times is a satrical news site featuring all things North Dakotan.

Feedback? We'd love to hear it. Send us your comments to editor@flickertailtimes.com

© 2020 The Flickertail Times

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • World

© 2020 The Flickertail Times

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Create New Account!

Fill the forms below to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In