CAYMAN ISLANDS — Vacationing Governor Doug Burgum thanked his fellow North Dakotans for not using their vacation hours on Labor Day, reinforcing the state’s reputation as the “hardest working state” in the nation.
A recent survey found that North Dakota was the hardest working state in the country. The survey used a variety of metrics including unused vacation hours, average workweek hours, average leisure time, shares of workers with multiple jobs and shares of households where all adults work.
“As the first lady and I kick back to relax on our vacation and reflect on how North Dakotans continue to make me look favorable on various blogs and social media surveys, we’d like to thank the hard working men and women of our state for choosing not use their hard earned vacation hours on this Labor Day,” tweeted Burgum from a Cayman Island Beach Resort. “It’s your sacrifices, hard work, and commitment to the slave drivers of North Dakota that keep us at the top of Wallet Hub’s most recent survey and allow me to take credit for the fine work you all do. And while all work and no play probably makes us the dullest state in the nation, as long as those vacation hours remain unspent and your 60+ hour workweeks continue, we’ll be holding onto Wallet Hub’s #1 spot for many years to come. Congratulations!”
Asked if Wallet Hub was a reputable source of data, Burgum said he’s certain the blog is accurate.
“Of course Wallet Hub’s findings are accurate as are all of their findings and personal surveys. I took their ‘Which Financially Viable Disney Character Are You’ quiz and I got Scrooge McDuck. I couldn’t agree more.”
While the survey may have some people patting themselves on the back, some data proves to be problematic for the North Dakota Department of Tourism. North Dakota is historically one of the least visited states in the nation and as Wallet Hub’s data shows, North Dakotans would rather opt to be at work then vacation in their own backyards.
“We’re well aware that the optics don’t look good for us given North Dakotans would rather sit in their cubicle than vacation in their own backyard,” says the North Dakota Department of Tourism’s Domestic Relations Coordinator. “So this year we’re pushing out in our tourism guide all the fun things North Dakotans can enjoy on their lunch breaks, like getting some exercise while experiencing the great outdoors as they shovel out their driveways.”
Burgum says he hopes more North Dakotans will opt to use at least one of their vacation hours to visit one of the state’s newest attractions after construction on the Theodore Roosevelt National Library is completed.
“For the families working multiple jobs, separated from their kids for 12 hours at a time, unable to take that vacation to Disney World, I offer you hope on this Labor Day. My staff is also working tirelessly around the clock from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, excluding state holidays and personal leave time, to open the Theodore Roosevelt National Library in Medora. Our hope is that the legacy of Theodore will be North Dakota’s little slice of paradise on the prairie. A place where North Dakotans can extinguish an hour of their unused vacation time and marvel at how one of our past presidents actually spent more than two hours in our great state and how we continue to romanticize his visit over a hundred years later.”
Wallet Hub’s study, along with other recent surveys, lists North Dakota as one of the hardest working, least vacationing, most depressed, drunkest, least fun, suicidal, fastest dying, least visited, yet oddly happiest states in the nation and one of the best states to retire in, pending of course, North Dakotans actually live long enough to actually retire.
In short, everyone in North Dakota is happy to be miserable.
The Flickertail Times is a satirical humor blog featuring all things North Dakota. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it all to: firstname.lastname@example.org