Bismarck, N.D. – The North Dakota Good Ol’ Boys Commission, formerly known as the Ethics Commission, is now accepting applications for its members in 2019 through it’s online application.
The Ethics Commission measure narrowly passed on election day to the dismay of the North Dakota Republican Party. Following the measure’s passing, Governor Doug Burgum issued an executive order, renaming the commission to the “Good Ol’ Boys Commission.”
“For years, North Dakotans have complained of a Good Ol’ Boys Club. However, no such club officially existed,” said the Governor in a press release. “Now, through my executive order, such a club finally exists through the renaming of the North Dakota Ethics Commission. Now, elite members of society who make North Dakota truly a legendary place, will have a place of their own to judge others in the comfort of luxury. We are pleased to announce that the Good Ol’ Boys Commission Search Committee will be chaired by GOP Chairman Rick Berg. Mr. Berg is now accepting applications and we urge all Republicans who’s adjusted gross income exceeds $500,000 to apply today.”
Successful applicants, according to the Good Ol Boys Commission press release, will enjoy many benefits including unlimited use of the Governor’s airplane, VIP tickets to sporting events and concerts including Superbowl LIII, complimentary registration to future oil, gas, coal, and petroleum conferences, club access to the Governor’s executive lounge (located in the Governor’s residence), numerous discounts at local businesses, five complimentary “get out of jail” cards, reduced or waived misdemeanor judgments, preferential attorney general rulings, campaign fund quarterly dividends, reduced green fees at all Trump Golf Clubs, a News and Views tote bag, and an exclusive Good Ol Boys Commission member card.
The Good Ol’ Boys Commission will officially meet once a year for thirty minutes to review the previous year’s ethics commission complaints. If an elected official or candidate has been found acting in violation of the Good Ol’ Boys Commission rules, disciplinary action is at the sole discretion of the Commission. Currently, no Commission rules are currently in place but are set to be determined at “a later date” according to the Governor’s press release. Other duties of the Good Ol’ Boys Commission include reviewing memberships, state member contracts, pipeline permit requests, certifying Native American ballots, and approving state government employee bonuses.
Those interested in applying to the Commission should visit www.ndethics.org. Previous legislative, executive, venture capitalist, and/or special interest experience is preferred.
The Flickertail Times is a satirical humor blog featuring all things North Dakota. Feedback? We’d love to hear it. Send it all to: firstname.lastname@example.org