Democrats Gather to Nominate Martyrs at 2018 “Tribute Games” State Convention

Posted on March 17, 2018, 5:08 pm
5 mins

Grand Forks — North Dakota Democrats gathered in Grand Forks to nominate their chosen martyrs for the 2018 mid-term elections during their 2018 “Tribute Games” State Convention. Over 500 Democrats were in attendance to witness the display and show their support for the doomed candidates who will tribute from their respective districts.

In a show of support, the North Dakota Democratic Party posted inspirational photos of nominees on social media, who will tribute in the 2018 election throughout the convention.

Dem-NPL Tribute Games Coordinator Matthew Armstrong says watching North Dakota’s legislative districts nominate their tributes has been inspirational.

“It’s such a brave thing for the candidates to tribute. They truly embody self-sacrifice, one of our party’s core values,” says Armstrong. “We’re just hoping some of the momentum other Democrats across the country have experienced makes its way here, because we can’t keep tributing candidates each year. We’re running out of people.”

Kylie Oversen is one of several candidates who have offered to tribute in the 2018 mid-term elections.

Armstrong says although finding candidates can be hard, the North Dakota Democratic Party offers the families of tribute candidates a generous benefits package.

“When one of our candidates loses, we offer to pay for their political funeral expenses and keep our hopes up a Democrat will win the presidency,” says Armstrong. “If a Democrat does eventually make their way to the White House, a list of our politically-deceased candidates is sent 1600 Pennsylvania Ave in hopes that the President will appoint our fallen comrades to some made up office for a few years. It’s our way of saying, ‘Thanks for taking one for the team.'”

Initially, attendance was thought to be higher at the Democratic State Convention, after some mistook the event for North Dakota’s annual Comic-Con.

“When one of my friends told me a bunch of geeks, nerds, and misfits were getting together in Grand Forks, I only assumed it was for North Dakota’s Comic-Con,” said Peter Starker. “Turns out it was just the Democrats.”

The Democratic Convention opened with some confusion early Friday, as Democrats apparently hired Danny Devito to play the role of Attorney General Candidate, Dave Thompson.

“We’re hoping Danny’s star power can make a difference in this race,” says Armstrong.

Several long-time North Dakota Democrats emerged during the convention, including former Senator Byron Dorgan and Congressman Earl Pomeroy.

“We keep Byron and Earl locked up in an undisclosed warehouse,” says Dem-NPL Historical Conservationist Dianne Schneiderman. “They’re such a rare commodity for our party, so we keep them under watch and key. Occasionally we let them out from time-to-time when we have reason to celebrate in North Dakota, which doesn’t happen often. We were hoping to let them out of their crates on election night in 2016, but that didn’t pan out. In fact, the past few years have been pretty gloomy, but with the State Convention here in Grand Forks and a lot of momentum for 2018, we thought it might be safe to let Byron and Earl roam the convention floor for a few hours.”

The last known public appearance of Byron Dorgan and Earl Pomeroy was in 2012 when Senator Heidi Heitkamp was elected to the United States Senate.

Conversely, North Dakota Republicans will host their “Highway to Hell” State Convention later this year.

Republicans are so confident they’ll win every midterm race in North Dakota, several sources tell us that key GOP Leaders are trying to determine how awful of a candidate they can elect to office in 2018.

“The problem is, North Dakotans overwhelmingly elect Republicans, so we have no moral benchmark as to who they’re NOT willing to elect,” says North Dakota GOP Morale Strategist Roy Moorson. “This year we’ve got a drunk for tax commissioner and a pervert who tried to hire a prostitute for Senate. And surprisingly, our internal polling seems to indicate they both have a shot at winning.”

Keynoting the North Dakota Republican’s “Highway to Hell” State Convention is Vice President Mike Pence.

 

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Teddy Meadowlark was born and raised in North Dakota. Today he travels often across the Flickertail State, drawing inspiration for his stories from the events and people shaping North Dakota.