Bismarck — In a recent report published by Policy Genius, a recent study found North Dakota the unhealthiest state in the country.

North Dakota, according to the report, has the highest levels of depression and tobacco use in the country, and the third highest levels of diabetes.

The findings have sent tourism officials scrambling to revise their 2018 Travel Guide to more accurately portray North Dakota according to the latest health revelations.

The Flickertail Times has an exclusive look at the updated Travel Guide below:

“The revision to our travel guide is an an effort to more accurately portray North Dakota in an honest matter,” said a state tourism official on condition of anonymity. “It wouldn’t be North Dakota nice to showcase a former North Dakotan who now lives in California, the fifth healthiest state in the country mind you, on our cover when we very well know nobody here looks like that.”

The new travel guide now places an emphasis on dining options. The Badlands have been replaced with buffets, and all sporting events pictured will include photos of fans indulging in local flavors.

A state health official we interviewed said he was not surprised by the study’s findings.

“We’re most likely the coldest state in the country, and honestly, we’re not very exciting either, so it makes sense we’re depressed, overweight, and overall, not healthy people,” said the official. “With the second highest levels of childhood obesity in the country, along with some of the highest levels of binge drinking, it’s laughable that anyone would consider vacationing here, let alone, move here.”

Due to the unflattering title of “most unhealthiest state”, tourism officials noted they are considering a new marketing campaign to coincide with their tourism push.

“I mean given how unhealthy we are, and all the open space we have available in North Dakota, we have plenty of room to bury folks, so I mean that’s a plus. We’re playing with a few phrases too, but ‘North Dakota: Where Legends Come to Die’ is among our favorites for the campaign.”

*The Flickertail Times is a satirical (fake news) news blog focusing on all things North Dakotan. Feedback? We’d love to hear it! Send us anything and everything to: editor@flickertailtimes.com.

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Teddy Meadowlark was born and raised in North Dakota, working in a variety of professions. Today he travels often across the state, drawing inspiration for his stories from the events and people shaping North Dakota.

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