Bismarck — The State Board of Higher Education released a new employee satisfaction survey and information about its new Employee Recruitment TV Series at a recent press conference.
The survey overwhelmingly reported “happy and favorable” work conditions. To ensure accuracy and unbiased reporting, employees were polled randomly and held at gunpoint according to SBHE officials.
“We had a total of six employees take the survey, including Chancellor Hagerott,” said a SBHE spokesman. “Their views comfortably represent the State Board of Higher Education as a whole. Not surprising, everyone reported favorable work environments, further discrediting some of the fake news being spread by the media, potentially even, by the Russians.”
Questions on the survey included, “On A Scale of 1-5, with 1 being amazing, and 5 being godlike, what is your view of Chancellor Hagerott?”
Another question asked, “Having to choose between your spouse and Chancellor Hagerott, how likely would you choose the Chancellor, with 1 being likely, and 5 being I’ve already filed for divorce?”
“Oh we call him the ‘great leader’ around the office,” said one SBHE employee. “He is very dear to us. Since working at the SBHE, we have participated in a history course detailing Chancellor Hagerott’s achievements, including inventing electricity and ending the Cold War. For those of us who passed our final exam on the Chancellor’s detailed history, not only do we get to keep our jobs, we also get a bathroom break and one 10-minute lunch break per week. Everyone should know the perks here are great!”
To ensure future employees are ideal candidates for positions at the State Board of Higher Education, a new reality television series will be filmed in North Dakota titled, “The Chancellor.” The winner will be handed a rose by Chancellor Hagerott, and offered a position at the State Board of Higher Education.
In a nod to budget concerns, the series will be filmed at the previous Governor’s Mansion Residence.
State Tourism officials are optimistic the tv series will further promote North Dakota and boost tourism numbers by recruiting contestants to North Dakota.
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