Bismarck, N.D. – The North Dakota Good Ol’ Boys Commission, formerly known as the Ethics Commission, is now accepting applications for its members in 2019 through it’s online application.
The Ethics Commission measure narrowly passed on election day to the dismay of the North Dakota Republican Party. Following the measure’s passing, Governor Doug Burgum issued an executive order, renaming the commission to the “Good Ol’ Boys Commission.”
“For years, North Dakotans have complained of a Good Ol’ Boys Club. However, no such club officially existed,” said the Governor in a press release. “Now, through my executive order, such a club finally exists through the renaming of the North Dakota Ethics Commission. Now, elite members of society who make North Dakota truly a legendary place, will have a place of their own to judge others in the comfort of luxury. We are pleased to announce that the Good Ol’ Boys Commission Search Committee will be chaired by GOP Chairman Rick Berg. Mr. Berg is now accepting applications and we urge all Republicans who’s adjusted gross income exceeds $500,000 to apply today.”
Successful applicants, according to the Good Ol Boys Commission press release, will enjoy many benefits including unlimited use of the Governor’s airplane, VIP tickets to sporting events and concerts including Superbowl LIII, complimentary registration to future oil, gas, coal, and petroleum conferences, club access to the Governor’s executive lounge (located in the Governor’s residence), numerous discounts at local businesses, five complimentary “get out of jail” cards, reduced…
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Bismarck, N.D. – North Dakotans wasted no time cleaning house Tuesday, giving a number of candidates and measures the boot.
As predicted yesterday in our election analysis, Senator Heidi Heitkamp lost to Congressman Kevin Cramer in her US Senate Re-Election bid.
In the spirit of “North Dakota Nice”, Heitkamp’s bus was set on fire and her house egged following her loss.
Conservatives including blogger Rob Port wasted no time dragging Heitkamp through the coals following her loss. Port’s obsession with Heitkamp continued through a series of tweets Wednesday morning.
Heitkamp’s political loss should give Port plenty to feed off of for the next few weeks and buy him some time until he enrolls in Dickinson State’s esports program, allowing him to continue his keyboard pounding for years to come as he considers a career as a professional Fortnite player.
Noticeably absent from many political conversations was Kevin Cramer himself. While many conservatives highlighted Heitkamp’s faults throughout the campaign, few were able to provide any traits that made Cramer a qualified candidate.
“Kevin’s win is the equivalent of electing the unpopular kid to student council. He’s so happy that he actually won that he’ll bend to anyone’s will,” says a North Dakota GOP Strategist. “Nobody is talking about his merits because he has none. He’s there just to keep the seat warm while the adults in the room do all the thinking for him.”
Measure three, which proposed legalizing…